


Feeling

by glowingGalaxies



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Canon Compliant, During Canon, Gen, and how the way he thinks starts to change, but technically all of SEES and like major characters are mentioned, in other words this covers the whole plot of the game, it's basically just an introspective thing about minato's thoughts on various midnights, it's really all from his perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowingGalaxies/pseuds/glowingGalaxies
Summary: Minato Arisato hasn't reallyfeltanything for the past decade. Over the course of a year, that starts to change, whether he's aware of it or not.
Relationships: I guess technically briefly background junpei/chidori, really there aren't any ships in this though
Kudos: 30





	Feeling

It's midnight, as Minato Arisato arrives at the dorm he's supposed to be living in for the next year, and he can barely find the energy to pay attention to what room he's told is his, let alone the warped state of the world around him.

The girl that greets him has some kind of gun, but he doesn't feel anything about the fact that she gives him a lie when he asks. He doesn't really know why he bothered in the first place.

He drops his bag thoughtlessly on the desk, and gets ready to sleep, tuning out the world around him in favor of the loud music coming from his headphones. If there was something off about today, well, that's just his life, and whatever happens, happens.

It's barely qualifiable as a "life", anyway.

* * *

It's another midnight, though he's barely awake enough to register that right now. He's being pulled up the stairs, a sword- almost gets a reaction out of him, half asleep as he is- is being handed to him, the dorm building is shaking a little. An earthquake? Why a sword?

The pink girl is doing something with a gun, and there's a monster made of arms and darkness facing them down. He almost feels scared, which he's tempted to call exciting if only for the novelty of feeling _something_.

She drops the gun, and something that feels like it's him but maybe slightly to the left- it feels so _much_ and he doesn't know how he's never noticed it before- is pushing him to pick it up. He's not sure why he's going along with this thing- this instinct- but this whole experience is so surreal and so _different_ he pulls the trigger anyway, if only to see what would happen.

A presence wakes in the back of his mind and it almost makes _him_ feel a little more awake, and his Persona appears, only to have that _feeling_ tear through it and become something entirely different. Something that's him but _way_ to the left, and feels very _much_ and isn't going to let anything happen to him, and it almost feels like he's the one feeling these things except it's more like it's something else _making_ him feel like this.

It's the most he can maybe ever remember _feeling_ , and then it obliterates the monster, and then goes dormant again, and his body can't handle that much _feeling_ and his brain goes dormant for a while, too.

* * *

It's midnight again, and he finds himself appointed leader over two people who seem to care a lot more about the position than he does. But he can't find the energy to say anything, so he doesn't, and runs through the tower that used to be the school.

The pink girl and the guy with the hat- they've said their names enough he should probably remember them, but he doesn't- follow behind him, and he lets them do whatever they want in fights. He feels the faintest spark of _something_ when he summons his Persona, and as much as he wants to shut it out it's a little addicting, so he keeps doing it.

He doesn't feel that thing that's him but it's not wake up again, and he doesn't particularly want to. He turns the music up on his headphones loud enough that he's sure the other two can hear it, but they don't say anything and he wouldn't hear it if they did, so he keeps running down the hallways with the sword they handed him.

* * *

Midnight, and he finds himself in a subway train frozen in time, running after the one in the hat while the pink girl complains. It's really just slicing through everything in his way again, but this time everyone's taking it much more seriously.

He doesn't really get it; it's not his fault if the trains collide. But they're pushing him along, so he doesn't make the effort to resist, and he finds himself fighting another huge monster. 

Something about seeing the one in the hat hurt when they get there almost stirs his Persona a bit more. He feels like he's hitting a little harder.

That presence in him _feels_ just a little more as the fight ends, but he ignores it. He pulls whichever lever because it really doesn't matter to him. Pink and Hat act like he's done something right, but it's all just drifting to him.

He wonders why they let him be the leader, though.

* * *

Midnight, and he's sitting in his room. There's a kid talking to him, but in a detached sort of way that almost makes him feel like he's listening to himself.

He doesn't really respond, but more because the kid doesn't seem to need one. He'd appreciate that, maybe, if he had anything to say in the first place.

* * *

It's a midnight rescue mission this time. So they keep telling him. He doesn't really want to be here any more than he wants to be sleeping right now, but they all care about the girl that went missing, so he's here with them, because they all think they need him.

The girl tells them how to hit the enemies, and he goes along with it. It's not quite the same as doing whatever comes to mind, but it takes a decision off of his plate, and he's almost thankful for it. Though with her around now, he feels like it makes even less sense to call him the leader. 

But Pink and Hat and now Vest do anyway, so it's not something he can get out of. He doesn't bother to try, he knows they wouldn't give it up now.

* * *

He's not sure exactly what he's feeling on this midnight, but he wants it to stop immediately.

He _does_ feel something about this hotel and it's that he does not want to be here. Pink, Hat, Vest, and Hair don't like it either. He doesn't get why they have to stay here to find that second shadow, but he smashes the mirrors and hunts it down anyway, if only to get it back for all the everything it put them through while they've been here.

The presence is a bit stronger than it was, maybe. He can't tell if he's feeling more about this hotel or if it's just _it_ feeling more _for_ him. 

He feels a bit more gratification than usual seeing his Personas hit the shadow, and finally watching it dissolve. Sleep feels less like a break from life and a little more like something he wants to do when they return to the dorm after that.

* * *

He doesn't know what to think when a robot saves him and Yukari on the beach at midnight. If anything, it's a twinge of frustration that he wasn't prepared for this. Yukari seems to feel that way too, though she really _feels_ things.

There ends up being a lot more talking, but he's only half listening through his headphones. The robot vows to protect him, and he feels like it's not worth the effort. 

But he can tell she cares more about it than he does, even as she tells them it's not in her programming to feel things. He's not sure how much he believes that; she seems more alive than he does.

* * *

He definitely feels negatively towards the other Persona users, especially when they tell them to stop this full moon operation.

 _Especially_ when they shut them in the bunker.

He takes it out on the shadows a bit; he'd rather get his emotions _out_ than keep them in himself where he has to think about them and the presence keeps reacting to them.

It reacts when he fights the shadows, too, but at least he can pretend that's just the feeling of summoning his Persona. He still can't completely tell the difference, anyway.

The robot- Aigis- keeps getting in his way, though. Trying to keep him safe, or whatever it was. He would rather just keep fighting, without her in the way, but he doesn't move to stop her since the others don't either. Apparently, they see their leader as someone important.

He ignores any thoughts that that might be kind of nice, because it's really not, and then relying on him is a fault of their own.

* * *

A dog joined their team this midnight. That's really all he has to say about it.

… Though, since everyone else is saying it, he does have to admit this dog is a very good boy.

Maybe he shows a little favoritism towards the dog. Koromaru doesn't try to talk to him or bond with him. Even if going along with it makes his Personas stronger, he'd rather not.

It's almost too bad Koromaru doesn't have that effect. He'd prefer that to the people he has to interact with instead, he thinks.

* * *

Junpei isn't with them for this full moon, which is strange because it's the only time he can think of it happening. That kid that's been hanging around the dorm even noticed it.

Akihiko's friend ends up helping them find the shadow this time, though it doesn't really matter since he still insists he's not a member of their group.

He can kind of identify what he's feeling when he finds out those other Persona users were the ones keeping Junpei from the fight; it's something like resentment. And he doesn't exactly want to help the one that they end up taking to the Kirijo hospital, but he knows he wouldn't be able to stop the others, so he doesn't.

It seems like Junpei cares, anyway, and he was the one they were holding hostage, so it makes a sort of sense that he should decide. Better than having to decide himself, easily.

* * *

On the midnights that Pharos appears, now, he feels more vibrant than before. More alive, almost. The conversations they have are still mostly one-sided, and still give the feeling of talking to himself despite not being the one talking, but he goes along with it anyway.

Pharos seems to know a lot more about things than he does. It doesn't bother him exactly. Somehow he still feels like he knows what the kid is talking about.

* * *

They should have had two more members for this full moon, but they don't have either of them, and after what happened last time he doesn't feel like he should give it the benefit of the doubt.

The shadows get in the way, but they tear through them as quickly as they can. The presence inside him is definitely _feeling_ more than it used to, but it's still nowhere close to how it felt that first night he recognized it.

He was right to have concerns over where Ken and Shinjiro were. Though maybe he should've been paying more attention if the kid had been planning a murder this whole time, he couldn't entirely say he was surprised he hadn't noticed.

It was hard to say if he was supposed to feel worse for him because Ken got his chance at revenge stolen, or because their friend just bled out on the floor in front of him. Probably the second one. He wasn't planning on asking, though.

His resentment for the leader of the other Persona users definitely grew, though. He was well aware of that much.

* * *

It was definitely satisfying to get to beat Jin and Takaya on the full moon after that, even if it was mainly just to get them out of their way so they could fight the last shadow.

The presence was impossible to ignore. It was _feeling_ more and more, definitely more than it had during any of the other full moon shadow fights. It was almost distracting, but he was determined to end this, and pushed it aside as best as he could.

The fight left him and the rest of SEES with a sense of accomplishment, even with what they'd lost to get there. But as soon as the shadow dissolved, it was like the presence left him completely, too. He wasn't sure he could even feel it there, in the vague space of slightly to his left that it seemed to occupy, anymore.

He sort of missed it, he realized.

* * *

The next notable midnight after that, Ikutski tried to kill them all, and even forced Aigis against them. While ultimately SEES itself made it out, there were casualties, and the grim realization that nothing was over.

As his teammates suffered, he found himself wanting to do something to make them feel better. To help them.

* * *

He felt strangely lonely, without Pharos visiting him on midnights spent in his room. He wondered if any of his teammates would ever want to sit in his room and talk to him until they fell asleep. He didn't want to ask.

He tried not to think about it.

* * *

There's a midnight where, briefly, Junpei dies. Even having fought Chidori earlier that same evening, he could understand where she was coming from, why she was acting the way she was. He rethinks every bad feeling he ever had about Chidori when she sacrifices herself to bring Junpei back; while he didn't really get to know her, she meant the world to Junpei, and apparently Junpei meant the world to her.

He's starting to understand that feeling.

Takaya and Jin don't, or if they do they don't care, and that makes him all the more sick of them and the way they act.

* * *

There was something that felt familiar about whenever Ryoji stood next to him (usually slightly to his left, sometimes obnoxiously draped over him). He found it so easy to just go along with whatever antics he got caught up in with him. Ryoji was so expressive, he felt _so much_ , and it almost seemed to be contagious, because he almost felt _himself_ smiling a few times.

Everyone in SEES got along pretty well with Ryoji, even not knowing him for long. He wondered if they felt the same sense of ease around him that he did, like they'd known him a lot longer than he'd been at Gekkoukan.

… Not counting Aigis, but even as he was starting to understand emotions a little better than he used to, he couldn't tell if it was jealousy or something they should be taking seriously.

He should've listened. It was a full moon, and he knew why Ryoji's presence felt so natural to him now, though Aigis was going to need serious repairs.

He felt… a lot of things. Betrayal, maybe, but not quite. Loneliness, in a way that even spending time with his Social Links wasn't quite filling. Concern, because wherever Ryoji was, whatever he was, he was still out there alone.

Emptiness, like he hadn't realized he'd almost escaped feeling.

* * *

The month between full moons felt like the years before he came to Iwatodai, both in the amount of feeling he was experiencing and the speed at which it went by. Or in other words, everything kind of sludged together and he coasted through it, half existing.

Which was maybe a little more existing than he did before, because the rest of SEES still saw him as their leader and he couldn't exactly get out of his obligations to his Social Links either. But even with occasional visits to Tartarus, he felt purposeless again. Only really there because he was supposed to be.

That changed, sooner than he thought he could do _anything_ , when Ryoji showed up at their front door. He wasn't saying anything that actually made him feel better- really, the complete opposite- but having him there still gave him that sense of something being comprehensible, and the world stopped feeling like it was underwater while he explained who he really was and what was going to happen.

Even if it was just for a supposedly impossible decision of forgetting so they'd die peacefully, or remembering so they'd know what was coming, he feels like he's waking up again.

He already knows his choice, before even talking to his teammates. He's lost too many people already.

* * *

It's the last full moon that matters, and SEES finds its purpose again.

The group as a whole, and each of its members individually.

Himself included, as strange as it is to realize.

Climbing Tartarus is as routine as anything at this point, but he's never felt so sure of it, so defined in what he's doing. He's giving orders in battle, which he'd sort of been doing for the later Arcana shadows but never with the conviction he is now.

He really feels like a leader, now. They were right to call him that, after all, it seems.

Jin and Takaya try to slow them down, as if they have any idea what they're doing. Jin sort of gets the feeling, he can tell, though having a bond like that with a person like Takaya feels like a waste of energy. Beating Jin again almost makes him feel bad, a vague sense of regret that he couldn't do anything to change this. Beating Takaya again feels like vindication, revenge, setting things right. It feels _good_.

The feeling is soured by seeing Ryoji again. Not because of Ryoji himself; he still feels right to have along with everyone else, a product of having him locked in his head for a decade. Though he wonders now if Ryoji felt so _much_ because he felt so _little_. Or maybe it was the other way around.

Fighting him is miserable, regardless of anyone's feelings on his switching Arcana and spells. But he reminds himself that it's really not Ryoji anymore. Everything that matters has become the Nyx Avatar.

SEES makes it through the fight, exhausted but standing. But it's not enough.

And that's when the weight of his feelings hits him again, as strong as Ryoji had been that first full moon, except this time, he knows it's all himself. It's a feeling of complete clarity, rather than a sense of something jumbled and out of place.

He knows what he has to do, and he absolutely hates that he has to do it. He's scared to do it, terrified. He's worried about whether he'll be able to do it. He feels almost paralyzed.

But he's not. He has his friends. His _family_. They're a comfort. They give him a sense of safety. Belonging. They're his purpose. He feels so much love for them and it's overwhelming but only makes him stronger.

And they can't stop him, no matter how much they try to now. It needs to be done, and he's not going to let Nyx hurt them or anyone else again.

Even if Minato Arisato has to leave them, _they're_ his life.

**Author's Note:**

> yknow when you're like..... lying awake at midnight and you suddenly start thinking about the p3 protag and getting emotional and suddenly it's 4 AM and a whole fic exists on your phone now


End file.
